I'm fine and I actually mean it.

I'm happy in my darkness.

It does not cause concern for me

I'm never really sad. In grief or pain. 

Anxiety 

To me,

Is quiet luxury.

A velvet cloak of empathy,

Allows me space to 

Just

Be.

And I feel.

And it's too dark to think.

That empty brain is peaceful.

It's clarity.

Trust me,

When I say I'm fine.

I don't mean it.

I'm more than fine. 

I'm beautiful and I am full of wonder.

You know I love the sun on my skin?

And to dance in the rain and sing?

That's the exact same feeling as closing the doors and staying within.

When I'm scared or sleepless or lost,

I am never afraid.

I'm kind, 

Today

To myself.

Because that's how I get to be kind to you all.

Is Procrastination contagious?

If there is one thing that I can do well, it's procrastinate. I'm not kidding, I am literally the master of this. I've made it into an art form, a way of life, an hilarious aside from the absolute low it can cause.
And today, I superseded any 'Best Procrastinator' world record, because I passed it on. I passed it on in the same way that I do love, smiles, kindness. But maybe also in the same way I could pass on a cold, a quick sneeze.I did it as a joke, a chat, a giggle.

Now, I know it's time to stop.
I'm a starter, a brain stormer. I'm the best person to get a project going, to get the ideas flowing, to give people good ideas and to think differently. I'm inspiring. I make my friends happy and the people I meet. I give such good advice and seriously love the hell out of the world and everything in it. I give everyone the motivation, apart from me of course. I have fifteen blog posts in the draft section on here and haven't posted because of 'time' or 'research' or any one of the billion excuses I have saved in my 'procrastinators handbook' (which funnily enough I haven't got round to writing).

Today, I persuaded one of my very, very best friends on this earth, to not do something that she absolutely really, seriously, absolutely and properly MUST do. I did it in about three sentences. I passed on something that literally at times has ruined my life to the point of having one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had which ironically, maybe, took place on this very best friend's bedroom floor.

I've given my friend, someone I care about beyond myself, an excuse to carry on doing something that makes her unhappy! Why would I do that?

Of course I didn't do it on purpose, I wouldn't. I'm not sure where it came from, I think I was empathising but instead of putting myself in her shoes 'when the job is finished' which she would always do for me, I put myself in the shoes of 'what a daunting task that is'.
She decided there and then, in the light of what I said, to not do it, for all the reasons I had joked about.

I've changed a lot lately, I've made lists, goals, and actually achieved them. I've changed my mindset about a lot of the stuff that has sent me crazy over the last 30 odd years, but, the habit is still there, and I'm passing it on. Procrastination is a double edged sword, to be fair. I have gained some genuinely good skills. Give me an hour to do something, or an emergency situation, I'm on it. I'm good. I've had lots of practice. I can focus and achieve in that situation. Give me a month, you're pushing it, give me three.....no chance:)

So, to my friend.

"You must do that job. If you don't, you will be unhappy. I want you to be as happy as you can be. I will help you do that job because it will be fun if we do it together."

If I'm going to live in the 'now' and get to where I'm headed, I want everyone around me to feel the same.

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Seeds of Knowledge

So this is a short post about a seed project we have been doing over the past week. Nothing spectacular, just planted some 'micro greens' (pretty much the same as cress seeds) and charted their progress with photos. It's nice and easy and as they only take seven days to grow, it doesn't lose their attention.

It wasn't a planned project, none of them are, purely child led. Took my youngest to Sir Harold Hillier Gardens. An amazing and beautiful space, like a mini Kew, very local to us in Romsey. We go there often and it's 'pull', is the fact that it's different every time you go and they combine it with a never ending supply of art projects and exhibitions. Plenty of 'trails' to follow either looking for art or plants or both around the gardens to be ticked off on a sheet. My favourite thing is the plethora of pretty stuff hanging from trees and the statues and sculptures that appear from behind flower beds and ponds. They have an awesome tree house and a crazy swing and quite often you'll find a string quartet or similar playing there. It's a lovely place. Find out more HERE.

So, long story short(ish). It was a beautiful Sunday with the most adoring winter Sun. The kind og light that makes you think, even at the beginning of February, that spring is most definitely around the corner if has not already arrived. It was a definite 'we have to be outside day' and as it was just me and my four year old home that day, we decided on a Mother and daughter adventure. We wandered around the gardens, wobbled on the 'wobbly bridge'. gazed at the flowers and checked out the semi frozen pond, which my four year old was utterly entranced with.

Then we had a hot chocolate and some cake. I say 'some cake' rather dismissively, as the cakes there are absolutely not 'some cake' more like 'the cakes'. We had the chocolate cake, which was perfect. however, I found out a few days later from another visitor that day that it seems we missed a particularly wonderful lemon and blueberry cake by a few minutes!  It was a particularly busy day in the cafe, as the sun had brought the world 'and his wife' to Hilliers. Afterwards perused the items on display in the gift shop and couldn't make a decision between us for a treat I had promised. Deciding to walk on up to the main garden centre, located on the site, my daughter chose a child's gardening kit. Comprising of a little bag, fork, rake, trowel and 'cute as hell' watering can! With this in pocket, we headed home for an afternoon nap, that fresh air had made me sleepy..

Arriving home, there was no nap!
Instead, another TWO hours in the garden with her new kit. Digging worms and putting them on the compost heap. I'm no gardener, but I'm pretty sure she made the right call. That's when she wanted to plant some seeds. I knew I had some in a drawer somewhere and managed to locate them, dug some soil from the garden, popped it into some old chinese plastic tubs (awesome for paint, glue, storing beads, stickers, and clearly seed trays) and she threw the seeds on top. Add a little water from her watering can ( the cute as hell one) and left on the window sill. Job done! Would have got my nap then but it was supper time.

So.... we photographed them every day, printed those pictures out and had a vague idea to pop them on a larger piece of paper or some kind of book and pull up some facts about germination etc.

That's when my nine year old came in, previously disinterested at best, on the 'seed' project.
He took one look at the printed pictures and said that we should cut them out and make a flip book. He said it would be like a time lapse video.
Now I think that's genius.
He did also point out that 'maybe this year, considering you are trying to teach us to be self sustainable with our gardening adventure, we could perhaps have a crop of potatoes that gave us more than six tiny specimens that couldn't even feed one of us...like last year'

'Ok...will try harder...'

Not sure if that is genius or just logic. Either way, I am equally admonished and proud.

But this is WHY I love home Ed.
We are making said 'flipbooks'.
It's a much better way of illustrating the growth of a seed to a shoot.

It began with a four year old gardening, pulled in a nine year old with the flipbook idea and then add to that the interest of my thirteen year old ( he's now using the images to do an animation on the computer) and we still haven't actually got down to the facts!

I'm pretty sure this is autonomous learning.

For all of us:)

A beautiful break up

When a relationship ends it can be sad. It can hurt. It can change you. It can break your heart.  I had let this person into my heart and given him mine. I loved him and he loved me. I had trusted him with me.

When events occurred that meant its demise. I was measured, cautious with my responses, considered with my feelings and his. I was aware of the pain and let it out slowly like letting the air from a balloon. I was not on any account going to break or fall apart or let any bit of me die. I didn't have time or the inclination for that and I was up to a point really quite proud of how I handled it. He was too I think. He has really hurt me and others and that hurt him. I wasn't even that angry, though did slip a few times into blame and guilt and resentment. Couldn't resonate with that though. Just didn't feel like that. 

It worried me... Too calm... you know? But for the best. I was quiet and tearful and plotted my grief into blocks of time and tried to slow it down, slow the onslaught of pain to an amount I could deal with. Palliative care for the inevitable. My friends and family's response was a mirror of this. The trust they afforded me was unanimous. You see they all knew I would deal with it in my own way and the best way possible. The beauty of being in love you see was not something I was prepared to lose. I'm not losing that. I'm not letting that be marred or tainted by actions that are entirely human because they are only a tiny part of humanity, the sum of which is love in it's entirety. I forgave straightaway. I just did. Emotions that are harmful to oneself when you think. When projected on to others they are useless. Anger and hate doesn't hurt anyone but yourself, so I quelled that by liking myself.

Don't get me wrong here I'm not wandering around like a nymph in a grassy meadow playing a harp. (but if I was I'd look like the one in the picture)

No. 

I'm unkempt, not sleeping and my house is untidy. I've not done stuff I should have, I can't talk very well. I'm watching TV and sitting on the sofa and staring into space. Letting this hurt engulf me one wave at a time. This is where the beauty comes in. 

Despite all my quiet and measured coping.. The pain is still coming, wave after wave and stronger and more intense, just like the birth of a child. The strength of the love I have for this person must mean that the pain has to equate. I loved him like no one else so this is going to hurt like nothing else...

Oh and it is. 

But that's a beautiful thing and just as beautiful as what we had. A part of life. I mean, I'm alive. I still love. We'll all be better for this. All be where we are supposed to be. I won't be jaded or bitter or different. I'll be me. I will brush my hair tomorrow and I will wash up. I may cry too but I'll probably laugh as well.

More Love Stuff? click here

Does anyone else find such solace in an IKEA catalogue?

There is something about the 'IKEA' catalogue, landing on your doorstep. Well something for me anyway. 
This year it was solitary.. A stand out 'fresh off the press' edition of this years furniture catalogue. There on my doorstep, like no other. Some years, it's hidden from view, a stealthy surprise,  under a pile of bills and flyers from estate agents 'looking for property in your area' and envelopes with deceptive hand written fonts that lull you for an uber second into 'I got real mail' security. 
I find it..and I'm excited. Disproportionately so. 

I Love

I know.
I love.

I love you with all there is.
It fills the space between us,
So there is no in between

No shades.
No pause.
No gaps.
No thought.
Just know,

Let them colour outside the lines....

How can we teach our children to be mindful and still, to explore and enjoy, to listen to the sounds of nature within them and around them and to live in the present just 'being' the perfect creations they are, knowing they are the universe, not just part of it. This is what's been bothering me...

On my 'to do' list. Change the world, buy a dishwasher, create an Egyptian masterpiece.

Good day to you.

It's been a tough few weeks. New Year didn't go quite as planned...which kind of set the bar. I've needed to but avoided blogging because as you know I do like a positive spin on things and this was challenging even for me.
I managed it though - of course - *smiley face*  #challenge accepted.

In the midst of chaos you will, I  am sure, be pleased to hear that I pulled off another blinding kids costume with only hours notice...Egyptian...headdress and all! Nothing one can't do with a cereal box and a bit of paint. Job done. Happy days.

Being a 'Mum's taxi'? You're very welcome!

It kinda feels weird tipping up at the end of a gig.  

The bands getting their gear into vans and sweaty, exhausted fans outside still buzzing from what you've just missed. I do this quite often, come in at the end, to pick up my son from gigs all over the place. I never mind. 

I love how he doesn't stop talking on the way home, telling me all about it...'The drummer did this...we chatted to the vocalist....the pits were sick....' It makes me so happy to hear his passion for music.

You don't know the half of it....but I finally do!

Life can be challenging, that's for sure, and let's face it we wouldn't want it any other way. I have learnt a lot  over the last couple of weeks (yes even at my age)! I've learnt that single mums, mums, parents, are completely undervalued by society. We are the bomb!

When I get to work in the morning I have done a full day's work to get there. It is all about digging deep and I dig deep every day! My life should be the basis of a BBC 9pm Friday night sitcom. It has a farcical quality equal to Fawlty Towers.

The last few days have been difficult, many many children off school with a bug that took ME down, Ricky Hatton (or to keep it more relevant David Haye) style! (He's a boxer...right hook..left hook..etc. get my drift?)

Yesterday, and today I have been working from home. It sounds so easy but it really isn't. I was writing about unbelievably awesome rock legends whilst negotiating a full scale war in my living room over Scuzz TV versus CBBC as well as taking one to college who had 'missed' i.e. couldn't be arsed to get the bus as Mum is working from home therefore can take me to college.

It's a learning curve, I tell myself often, in fact 'character building' is the phrase I use. I have a meeting with my bank manager on Saturday I wonder how character building that will be.

My point is, I feel I really ought to get to it, that we need to change the way we look at people! Seriously!

If you are unfortunate enough to see me leave my car on the school run or nip to the local shop (I love my local shop, they don't bat an eyelid) in the morning, you will judge me without even meaning to!

I don't blame you I just ask that you take your judgement and stick it somewhere inappropriate and dark. You look at me differently when I am out for the evening and speak to me in shades of difference if you have seen me in work or chatted to me via email. You don't know I have five children and sometimes do the school run in my pyjamas, so you treat me quite favourably, without bias and often flirt!

I am not bantering on as a single mum, or a woman, parent or any other label. My point is...you just do not know what the person in front of you has just been through, so if their hair is uncombed (sorry what? a comb?) or they have a frown on, or they don't manage their usual smile that morning (or afternoon) take a second to think. It makes no difference to their skills, value or worth.

Rant over....

In other news...

Just realised I haven't shared my awesome news I left you with last time....so easy to get waylaid.

I found my (half) brother a few weeks ago.. a brother who I vaguely knew may exist throughout my childhood but had that confirmed recently. It really is the nicest thing. I grew up as an only child and now in my forties I discover my slightly younger brother. He is lovely. He doesn't look like me at all but looking at photos, there is one of him when he was about five that could be me! It's kind of weird but it's made my year! One really doesn't know the half of it...but I kind of do now... 

Don't judge and stay safe!

Not my usual post but a review I did on Tumblr for a really good gig I went to so I thought I'd put it on here anyway.

Secrets, Memphis May Fire and OM&Men Electric Ballroom Camden 10/10/2012

I’ve been to lots of gigs in my time but this was one of the best. The Electric Ballroom was a great venue a good size but retaining the intimacy of a smaller venue.
‘Secrets’ opened the set and as they started playing the floor filled quickly and the moshpit was as furious as you’d usually expect from later in the set. Everyone there was ‘up for it’ without a doubt. ‘Secrets’ set was fantastic, the band were great performers and began the evening with a bang.
Next up and after a soundcheck worth mentioning “Shit one two..Shit Shit Shit one two one two..” Memphis May Fire leaped on Stage and Matty Mullins appeared to a roar, the hands were in the air..and a few bodies too. They were awesome, the whole crowd sang and screamed every lyric to ‘Vices.’ ‘The Victim’ opened the pit up which at one point nearly took over the whole floor. At this point it was Insane in a really fucking good way. Matty Mullins was just perfect. This is a good start to their tour.
This was the first time I had seen any of these bands live and after Memphis I had no idea what to expect from the headline act. The gig was one of my best ever already.
I moved forward in anticipation of the arrival of the next band.
Of Mice &Men were greeted with a wave of screams and an utter outpouring of love that I’ve only witnessed at stadium and festival gigs. The London crowd drank Austin onto the stage who presented upwards in a halo of smoke and light. I don’t have many words for the rest of the night. Austin and the band give absolutely everything they have when they are on Stage and they expect the fans to give their all…and we bloody did.
Austin insisted that every single one of us got down on our knees for ‘The Depths’ the only time for a minute or two that the pit dissolved into a sea of people on their knees and the tall iconic figure of Austin towered over us…the song raged the crowd launched up and the frenzy resumed.
“One more song! One more song!” was the chant. We all knew what was coming when they came back on. “This is your song, this is your fucking song. I want you and you and you and fucking all of you to sing it” So we did. ‘Second and Sebring’ pulled me to the front of the crowd and that song that has such personal lyrics resonated with everyone in that room.

The UK loves these bands. Fans in the UK are like no other. The lights came on and the bruised and a bit bloodied crowd left. It doesn’t get much better.

Turning Forty - and that's not the main event! Watch this space..

So, I turned 40. That actually happened. I am now that age. Which luckily for me seems to be the new 30 apparently.
I celebrated with a night out, a joint adventure with an old friend from school, turned out rather well even though it involved a fluffy flashing tiara with the number 40 in diamante and several Jaeger bombs.

I know the band played a Red Hot Chili Peppers song and that made me happy.
What made me happier was the company, all the friends old and new that showed up and how fab it was to see them all.
I had a feeling that 2012 was going to be an eventful year and it's not over yet, but already so much has changed. It feels like it's all good and there have been dark times but from those shadows came strength and wisdom. I'm old enough to have wisdom now..
A few mornings ago with about five minutes to go till our time to leave for work school and childminder, I was in the hallway drying my sons school trousers with a hairdryer when one of my other sons announced that he had to dress as a Victorian that day. So I cut up a t shirt! That is a top tip by the way, it never fails on any dress up occasion. It then occurred to me that I had an incredible resourcefulness about me. This was a change from my usual thought pattern... usually involving running away with the circus..and that was a positive affirmation right there!
You may be wondering why I don't seem to be on my soap box this eve don't worry I shall continue to blog with that in mind. I have lots to moan about of course but there's a time and a place..
Anyway, watch this space, really do, because pretty much the main event of the entire year happened this evening and I can not wait to share it with you. Just have to share it with a few others first.
,

The Olympics, Music and the mental health of David Cameron

Well Hello...

Sometimes 140 characters on Twitter or a Facebook status is just not enough to get 'Stuff' off ones chest!

So much has happened since I last blogged on here and way too much to try and construct some sort of context for this latest vent. Suffice to say, here we are and there has been some stuff and some things and it has led me to this point in time,

The UK is a bloody awesome place with some awesome people. At no time in my life have I appreciated that more  than now in 2012 just after we have hosted (with frikkin bells on) The Olympic Games and the Paralympic Games. We as a nation really came together and showed the rest of the world how- Quirky is Cool -Music is the way forward- and nothing but nothing can dampen the British spirit.

It really pains me to say that we have done all of  this in spite of the worst government we have had since the 1980s. We are literally watching  our NHS fall apart in front of our eyes- small businesses closing, prices rising, incomes going down...local services being cut every week sports and leisure facilities closing ....and on and on...I could blog about all that but I haven't got time they may cut funding to the Internet ...as if.....
but my main issue is the way we treat our teenagers.

Facilities ( and I don't mean Youth clubs) for our teenagers are almost non existent and I mean medical services, Education. travel to school/college...parent support... again could go on but time is of the essence.

BUT my worst bugbear, my very worst annoyance, is that society has literally...

...stopped listening to them!!

We are teaching them shit!! Spirits are being broken!! Talented, enthusiastic, amazing children are being patronised, bullied and put down...not by their peers but by some of their teachers and mainly by a government filled with people who have never lived in the real world for a second!

Please don't get me wrong I fully believe the buck  stops with the parents. I am not a qualified teacher or a trained Psychiatrist but in this day and age I would have thought that stigma about mental health should not be apparent in our schools!!  How are we to break the cycle if the very people that are taking care of our children- for more hours in the day than we are- have no training or understanding of the basic problems teenagers face.

I am taking the radical step of deciding at the age of fourteen to home school my son. I can hear the gasps and the sighs and the 'Oh dears' from here but trust me at first I  felt that I had been left with no other option and now I feel that it is by far the best option.

Without going into too much detail I have been waiting for nearly eighteen months in the purgatory of the health system waiting for a referral to have a clinical assessment and not being able to have any treatment till my son is assessed. No shit Sherlock my son has got worse...he has not been able to attend school for a long time...his education is clearly suffering and so is he.  The Schools answer?..my son is an Enigma and education welfare?( just like to point out here that I asked for help from them in 2009) prosecuting me for non attendance. They should be fucking lucky I don't attend!!
The Doctors?  well they're just banging their heads against a funding brick wall....My son is not currently using drugs, stealing, causing criminal damage to people or property therefore he does not fit the criteria. He does none of these things he is unhappy sad and afraid sometimes suicidal. (one more point: mental health issues between the ages of 14 and 21 are the highest cause of suicide).
I've gone private...they are helping and it is looking likely that we are getting our referral. My son will be fine and will overcome any obstacle in his life because he has a Mum like me and loving siblings and friends and family.
Things need to change NOW.
I am calmer now...I shall drink tea..and download the syllabus for Maths GCSE....Oh but that's not going to be worth the paper it's written on by 2015......grrrrrrrrr

To blog or not to blog!

Haven't blogged for a while. Main reason being I've had such a lot to deal with over the last few weeks I've not been in a position to 'share' much of what's been going on as lots of it has been of a 'sensitive' nature. Suffice to say I have had to be a fairly strong cookie and have risen to the challenge! Go me, pat on the back blah blah blah.
Today, has been fairly unbelievable. Without going in to detail I have had some dealings with a school where a member of staff has lied to me about my child. Full on, bare faced, lied lied lied! I have evidence that is over and above proof that this woman has lied to me and the school are still going with what she has told them! I'm gobsmacked. Not a good look for me!
I have clearly been niave in my approach so far. I've thought that institutions such as schools which lets face it have a huge duty of care to our children would be the first to realise and apologise for a mistake being made on their part! Not so, they actually have presented me with a situation which means I will have to take this way over their heads!
I can be a fairly judgemental person I think....bordering on the whole 'no smoke without fire' thesis. I take it all back one can definately not judge a book by it's cover. Schools are failing, parents are failing and it's not rocket science as to why. My advice????? Always have faith in your child because no other fucker will. Listen to your child and Always always put them first,,,that is the only rule to parenting that works.
Any way I'm looking into emigrating to alaska....see you when the fog clears!!

If at first you don't succeed.....

Stupid week!
Washing machine broke down again so bought a new one. Men who came to plumb it in and take away the broken one must have thought I was a right nutter...eleven cats running around their feet, me blabbering on about launderette prices and a five year old asking them to get on with it as he needed to get to the toaster! Good job I'm not proud.
Had to jump start the car twice this week and take it on a long run to charge the battery seeing as I don't drive it enough!! I've been walking to school for two weeks which I thought was virtuous on all sorts of levels..swings and roundabouts I guess. Made up for lack of co2 emissions with aplomb on Friday as I decided to go to a supermarket I don't usually use as it's over in the next town but fancied a change (as good as a rest they say) did the shop and as I was at the till had a mini panic that I'd forgotten my purse, all was ok though the baby was teething with it. Phew that was close I said to the cashier 'What a nightmare! I'd have had to drive all the way home!' Of course I opened the purse to discover I'd left my card at home, so it WAS a nightmare and I DID have to drive all the way home, and then back to the store and then home again. I think I handled it with dignity though, that sort of thing can usually send me into a free fall meltdown.
Talking of meltdowns did get fairly close to one halfway through the week, lost two of the kittens (we have seven at the moment plus my four cats) for a couple of hours phoned the vets and everything as the boys had left the door open. Found them snug as bugs in the back of the kitchen cupboard. Then the following day managed to catch my thumb in the slide door, lots of blood, bit of a panic but still firmly attatched.
Good news story of the week is that I finally found the owner of the cat I found last week. Seems my poster campaign paid off, despite several of them being torn down, and I recieved a phonecall from the owner. Apparently the cat goes off for two weeks at a time so she hadn't been that concerned at first, it always comes back healthy and well fed so she suspects it has another 'holiday' home somewhere local. So there may be another person out there wondering where she's got to! However all is well that ends well and I'm glad I kept at it!
Suffice to say I'm bloody exhausted. Three of the boys have gone to stay with their Dad and one is out so very quiet this evening with me and the baby. Couple of glasses of wine and I forsee an early night. Haven't really seen the news this week but I understand there are some dangerous cucumbers out there..stay safe people!

Cat watch, who spilt the milk of human kindness?

 However, it's 'The Cat' that seems to have taken the spotlight this week.
My neighbours found a very poorly cat in their back garden and thought it was one of mine. Having established that it wasn't one of my darlings I managed to move this clearly distressed cat into a cat basket and we managed to find an all night vet to take a look at it. I honestly didn't think the cat would make it at all. As it turned out the vet said it had been poisoned, apparently cat's like the taste of anti freeze, and they had to just treat the symptoms as it was unlikely they could find the cause. They didn't think she would last the night but she did and throughout the next day continued to make progress. So being the 'kind lady' I can sometimes be, I began to try and find the owner! The cat had no collar and was not chipped but was obviously well cared for. I phoned the local vets, facebooked it, put up posters all over the area and knocked on doors for hours! No luck at all. Still haven't heard anything. Sound silly I know but I'm beginning to be irritated by it. Where is this person and why haven't they realised their cat is missing yet?? What makes it worse is that some of my posters have been ripped up? Who would do that??  Kids maybe? I blame the parents. Well I am going to carry on my crusade to find this cats owner as it's doing well at the moment but the vet can only keep it for 7days and then off to a rescue centre.Decided I would try and do this blog once a week instead of daily, but now the week has gone and I can't remember half of it already! I know that on Tuesday I thought it was Friday, therefore spending the rest of the week feeling hard done by every morning. My washing machine broke down and now is mended,a fairly large drama in it's own right.

As for the rest of the week I did have my first night out since Phoebe was born. Decided to nip up to my friends house for her 40th birthday celebrations. I had the firm intention of having one or two glasses of wine and a nice early night, really I did! Well four hours and several glasses of wine later, there had been much dancing, lots of laughing and a good time had by all! All except Phoebe who fell out of bed when I was out and now has a bruise by her eye! Woke up the next morning feeling remarkably good, but as the day carried on I came to the conclusion that I must have been still drunk in the morning to feel so well and was in bed by half eight!
Half term this week, just lovely not to have the school run looming at me twice a day. Onwards and upwards..

Emo Mum Alert!

Not the best day today... had three hours sleep last night, not sure why, just couldn't sleep. Managed one dream though, it was about combing through the little boys hair to check for lice and I'd made the mistake of putting shampoo on instead of conditioner. Crazy eh? I clearly need to get out more if my dreams are that banal! So, bit of a rubbish day, baby is teething and cried pretty much all day, turns out the only thing that stopped her was fake sneezing (makes her giggle) and malted milk biscuits. With the rest of the brood I took the inconsistent and shouty approach to parenting today even applying a touch of   'sinking to their level' Yep I can do immature responses such as repeating everything they say back to them.... Became responsible adult long enough to take a  trip out to buy food, and Wellies, (field trip tomorrow for my eldest requires them, where is he off to? He doesn't know!!! A river somewhere his reply!!)
It amazes me how I can be super mum one day and less than twenty four hours later be as much use as a deflated balloon with a hole in it. Kids are great though, they were asking me about this blogging business and I said that I was feeling a little down in the dumps so wasn't sure if I would blog at all today, Eldest response, 'Uh oh, Emo Mum Alert'.  Well that's me done, ought to empty washing machine of school uniforms...

A quiet day for me!

It's been a long week this week. So Friday night was spent with a glass of wine admiring my new laminate flooring. Have had a horrid old carpet for the last ten years (which I took up by myself with a six month old baby in one arm!). I was in bed by ten last night, oh how times have changed! Up with the larks this morning, had to take 'Kitten' to the vet, she was spayed on Monday and needed a check up. Took the baby and the two younger boys with me and no drama's there. She's all good, although the vet was amazed to hear that since she was spayed she seems to have taken to looking after her auntie's new litter. It must be her hormones, they'll be all over the place was her answer. I understood.
School fete at lunchtime, left the house at half eleven to get there for twelve. Still didn't manage to get there on time, had to pick my eldest up from a sleepover, so he could come home to sleep before he goes off to a gig this evening. Managed to clean up at the cake stall, hook a duck, buy an ice cream and come home with a tattooed five year old. The baby discovered grass today, she's nearly crawling, no mean feat on a school field! One of my friends came with her partner for a cuppa and I managed to put my size sevens in it. Chatting about the childrens options for University in the area and I failed to list the University (a new ish one) that they both work at!! Think I managed to pull it back in the end. Been a very quiet evening, dozed off when putting the baby down, the eldest is off reviewing a gig in Portsmouth, my thirteen year old is playing the infamous call of duty with his dad online. And the nine and the five year old are sorting through Doctor Who cards upstairs in bed! So much for a busy and manic life, just time to take a breath have a fag and a cuppa. I'm giving up smoking next week, more on that one later!

Begin at the beginning

Not sure where to start so I just will. Entering the world of blogging is brand new for me, I'm not completely at home on the internet, I like to stay safe and stick to facebook, weather reports, banking and amazon! I have five children and am a single mum. I don't fit the usual stereotype for that last statement and my life is busy, funny, stupid, interesting, cloudy, sunny and never dull. I've been nagged at by several friends to start sharing my 'mini soap operas' with the world and decided I have nothing to lose. I'm assuming that at the least it will be cathartic, I used to write frantically in my diary as a young girl, for years I never missed a day. I've had alot happen over the last couple of years and at thirty eight with four incredible boys and a gorgeous baby girl I have some experiences to share. So watch this space and if it raises a smile at least then I'm happy to have helped.